Allergic to networking? Here’s how to show up at your best

I have never really liked networking events. By nature I am a total introvert and I covet the seemingly-natural skills and abilities of those who shine with openness and easy banter at networking events. 

Echoing what the research suggests, my work with leaders of varying levels, further proves that I am not alone in feeling this way. Many leaders desperately avoid networking and, in fact, have come to resist and resent their obligations to do it. Unfortunately, this resistance comes at a cost. 

Networking has so much value to offer:

• New friends
• New connection
• New skills
• New viewpoint
• New ideas
• New possibilities

So, if you don’t like networking, how do you overcome this and avoid missing out on its benefits? There are many books on this topic – each containing great tips. Dale Carnegie’s work excels in this space, as does the field of neuro linguistic programming (NLP) in helping us enhance communication and better build relationships. I know many people who have derived value from training. 

For me, however, I am moving past my resistance by realising that while I don’t need to channel or become someone different than I am to network better, the really good networkers have a few qualities that I admire and genuinely want to further develop. Those qualities are generosity and genuinely liking people. For them, networking is not networking; it’s a beautiful opportunity to meet more people and make new friends. Let me unpack these two ideas further. 

Firstly, some people really – and just naturally – like people. They are open and warm. They are genuinely interested. They ask you questions because they care and find you fascinating.  They love learning about you. It is extraordinary how good it feels to be around people like this. In order to channel more of this, I ask myself:

• Do I want to make others feel like this?
• What are the qualities I would need to develop in myself in order to show up in this way? Interest? Care? Connection? 
• Then, once I identify a quality, how am I going to do the work to practice it in my next social setting or networking situation?

The other trait I see in great networkers is generosity. Three friends of mine have always epitomised this for me; Andy Hamilton, Graeme Marshall and William Farmer. When you meet them they ask – all in their unique and varying ways – what are you working on and how can I help? They do this not in pursuit of any personal agenda; it stems genuinely from the desire to help. I love this trait. It is so rare and so profoundly impactful. It turns acquaintances into friends and touches hearts.  It is outside of the business norm of transactional and strategic relationships that run more typically on the basis of the “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” type of quid pro quo. The question to channel this trait is simple: am I willing to be this generous?

You may never learn to love networking, but you can learn to stop avoiding it and respect the value in it, in order to be able to also reap its benefits. This is how I’m improving myself in this area. You may like these same traits too and want to lean into them further – or, you can do a similar identification exercise by looking at what you can see exhibited by those natural networkers you admire, and working out how to channel that yourself in a manner that feels sincere to who you are and who you want to be. 

Networking is still a word that gives me a slight allergic reaction, but the idea of making new friends and genuinely getting to know interesting people, and maybe helping a few people along the way, feels like something I am willing to put time and effort into.